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From Socialist Review, No. 182, January 1995, p. 36.
Copyright © Socialist Review.
Copied with thanks from the Socialist Review Archive.
Marked up by Einde O’ Callaghan for the Encyclopaedia of Trotskyism On-Line (ETOL).
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‘All this stood Blair in good stead in most people’s eyes. Okay, he hadn’t made much difference yet, but give him time. He was certainly nicer than that demented political thug Portillo’ |
1995 – that was a year to remember. The year had hardly begun when John Major, the most instantly forgettable prime minister in history, lost a vote of confidence following his defeat on the vital Public Toilets Bill.
In February his party lost the general election to Tony Blair, who by some historical quirk just happened to be the most instantly forgettable leader of the opposition ever known.
Blair’s new exciting government’s first Queen’s Speech was breathtaking. He announced the introduction of a new bank holiday to be called ‘nice day’, scrapped all Tory plans to privatise the Hackney sewage works, and gave pensioners an extra bottle of Mackeson at Christmas.
This mad rush to the left caused such outrage among Tories that they quickly ditched Major and elected the dream ticket leadership of Michael Portillo and Giles Brandreth.
They quickly announced a radical new plan to solve the nation’s problems. It involved privatising everything from the monarchy to the old statue of General (Tubby) Breakwater in the market square in Upper Downingham.
Pensions were to be cut to the level of the wages earned by kids doing newspaper rounds. Portillo pointed out that while the latter actually contributed something to the economy, the former just sat around complaining about the cold, and harking back to the old days.
‘No enterprise culture’, he pointed out, ‘could possibly justify paying these geriatric burdens on society more then the dynamic youngsters on their bikes’. He furthermore announced plans to whittle down the health service so that only the extremely ill of working age could receive NHS treatment.
In his speech announcing the plans he pointed out that doctors had the enormous burden of holding decisions between life and death in their hands, but lamented the fact that too often they made the wrong choice based on some old Hippocratic oath rather than sound monetary policy.
Finally Portillo announced that were the Tories to get back into power they would do away with the nonsensical notion introduced in the bad old days of Majorism that saw the unemployed called ‘jobseekers’.
‘We must tell it as it is,’ announced Portillo. ‘These people are not seeking jobs, and should from now on be called “job avoiders”.’ Since they are avoiding jobs the state should not have to pay them.
Blair enjoyed his best prime minister’s question time yet as he and his talented team of suits tore apart what he described as ‘the pottiest piece of policy yet dreamt up by the mentally bewildered member opposite’. He lashed out, in his own calm style, at what he called the reactionary ravings of the rightist robots.
All this stood Blair in good stead in most people’s eyes. Okay, he hadn’t made much difference yet, but give him time. He was certainly nicer than that demented political thug Portillo.
Yet just as Blair’s star seemed to be rising to unprecedented heights with the electorate, he hit his first major snag. After his fine parliamentary pasting of Portillo, his new found friends in the CBI and among the press barons let him know that they thought quite highly of Portillo’s plans.
This completely undermined Blair’s confidence and his speeches became more conciliatory to the honourable member opposite. Finally when Gordon Brown droned relentlessly through his first budget speech it contained many slightly modified versions of the Portillo vision.
While he wouldn’t accept Portillo’s extremely narrow version of the Health Service, he thought it should be called the National Health Emergency Service, so the only completely free services would be for emergencies.
Pensions would not be tied to what he called the heartlessly low levels of newspaper boys, but would be linked to the going rate for lollipop men. Finally, the ‘jobseeker’ would be now known as a ‘bob a jobber’, which would make it clear that he or she would work for any wages.
All this caused dismay, and the first mutterings of discontent amongst many who had voted for Blair. At the party conference veteran socialist Tony Benn called for the party to put a ‘clear red sky’ between themselves and the Tories. Not for the first time his plea went unheeded.
The welcome distraction from all this that Blair so desperately needed came from the royal family. In her Christmas broadcast the queen broke down sobbing as she revealed that Prince Charles was not her first born. Instead she had had a premarital affair and that Hank B. Marvin, the famous guitarist, was the product of that affair and was now stepping out of the shadows to claim his crown. The monarchical death rattle sounded ever louder.
Meanwhile growing workers’ unrest and strike action was being denounced from all quarters. ‘They will wreck our great country,’ sobbed Garry Bushell in the Sun. David Blunkett denounced strike action, saying strikers were the tools of the Trotskyist Socialist Workers Party, which he described as the fastest growing threat to our traditional way of life.
Yes, 1995 was a year of real change. Only one thing stayed the same. Having played 3,780 minutes of football over the year, Arsenal still failed to produce one entertaining game.
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Last updated: 18 November 2017